It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
