my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
