Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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