Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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