You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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