I looked at my own cervix.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Randomize
