Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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