i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
