it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
