We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
