Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
