Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
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