What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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