Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
