I'm drive I can fine osifer
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
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