it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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