the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
