I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
