Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
