So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Randomize
