i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
