She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Be still, my beating vagina.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
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