I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
