True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
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