mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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