I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
