i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Randomize
