pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Randomize
