I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
