Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
