Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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