She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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