He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Randomize
