captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
