How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
