lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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