y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
