She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Randomize
