She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
