Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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