Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
