Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
