Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
