There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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