My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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