It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
