the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
