wrigley field is MILF paradise
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
