He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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