you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
